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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 04:34
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Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
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Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
I am not young enough to know everything.
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
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We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
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Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
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Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
What is the fat burning furnace trick?
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
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No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Why don\'t you write books people can read?
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It\'s about Russia.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
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I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
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I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/15/(Sun) 10:39
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